January 10, 1992

GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE

Page 13

Gay Steppers

by Mark Chadbourne

I recently gave a lead, and one comment I made seemed to strike a resounding chord of acknowledgment in those present. And it's true! Dissociation was the only free time I had before recovery.

Today I can say that and enjoy it rather than have any shame about it. Recovery has taught me to take the skills I developed and used to protect myself, ('wall myself off is more accurate) and focus in a nurturing rather than in a self-defeating way, these same abilities toward my recovery.

Dissociative

disorders are psychological pain-dampening thought processes on a subconscious level. Dissociating is the way the ego or false self, wounded child within, addict or whatever term one uses in recovery, to act out in a way that hides us from trauma, stress and reality.

Dissociation can be confusing to us and those around us while we are in the process. Simply put, daydreaming is a form of dissociating that kids learn to do to escape boredom. Kids learn that by altering their consciousness through

This space has been donated to Dignity-Cleveland by the Chronicle, and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Chronicle staff or management.

Are you lesbian-gay and Catholic? So are we!

Join us on the fourth Sunday every month at historic St. John's Church, 2600 Church Ave., Cleveland. It is one block west of West 25th St. and one block south of Detroit Ave.

Dignity is a group of lesbians and gay men who are Catholic and who want to remain within the Catholic Church. Our Catholicism is one of the most

daydreaming, they can gain a sense of relief from their feelings.

We've all heard adults say to us "even if you don't like it, smile and say thank-you." In a dysfunctional environment, that's known as being polite. In reality, it was instructing us how to dissociate. Even in language, we use dissociative terminologies. "Ouch, that hurts" rather than “Ouch, I hurt.” Our genitals become "it" and "down there" or some other goofy

name.

Other ways to alter our consciousness were to carb up on sugar, caffeine, nicotine, listening to loud music, and forcing sexual arousal through pornography and fantasies. The dissociative experience occurs in process addictions like worrying and ruminating, reading, driving fast, dancing, and talking non-stop. Phone calling and watching TV are probably most

common.

Every addict's lead I've heard has included an admission that at first, drinking and using was an instant friend. What started out as a way to feel good became a deathstyle of avoidance. This type of using ruined careers, relationships with families and loved ones,

important aspects of our living and of our spiritual growth and development. To rejoice in being both Catholic and lesbian-gay is one of the main reasons for Dignity; to remain Catholic and lesbian-gay fills us with joy and dignity.

Dignity-Cleveland was formed more than 18 years ago and has always remained one of the leading chapters within Dignity-USA. Currently there are more than 40 members in the DignityCleveland chapter but in the past we have had a membership totaling more than 100. Members of this chapter take an active role in both the regional and national groups of Dignity. Recently we hosted the Regional Con rence here.

There are many ways to be active in Dignity. Probably the most important

and took a toll on the spiritual level with those who came in contact with them.

In recovery, we learn to use our character defenses in a healthy way." safe people in group or at a meeting, .. learn to deliberately dissociate. We bring up our unconscious into our minds and embrace what we find rather than avoid it. Safe people confront us in the areas we are blind to see for ourselves.

The 11th Step suggests conscious contact with our Higher Power through prayer and meditation. We also achieve this through affirmations, visualizations, journalling, active listening in groups and meetings and in doing gratitudes. All of these are ways of altering our state of consciousness. We find new ways to use our dissociations. We practice on a daily basis and learn to increase and decrease the intensity of our feelings and thoughts as needed. We practise and then learn to apply this same energy in establishing boundaries and in removing walls we've used to avoid conflicts, stress, and resolutions. We learn to use age regression to our advantage by applying these skills to inner child work.

The advantages we gain from redirecting dissociative tendencies are directly linked to our experiential

way is to belong to the group. We meet once a month to participate in some form of spiritual meeting or in a Mass either at a local, church or at a regular Sunday morning Parish Mass. This year's organizing committee is also hoping to include a monthly social gathering where we, as lesbians and gay men, can meet and join together in social interaction, either with others in the community or through a specific gathering of Dignity members.

Our next planned gathering will be January 26 at St. John's Church where we shall discuss "Women in Dignity." Women play an enormous part in the spiritual growth of all of us and have been greatly involved in the laity within the Catholic Church. We in Dignity are more

relationships with ourselves, others and our Higher Power. Where once we distorted our thinking in order to avoid, we learn to transform this into positive and self-nurturing skills. We learn to tolerate pain and see it as a motivator for change rather than as a motivator to run and avoid. We learn to recognize the difference between necessary and unnecessary pain and how to work through conflicts and connect with ourselves and others rather than to separate and isolate.

Left to run its own course, many of us may have developed avoidance personality disorders that require professional treatment. But once we embrace our imperfections and recognize these codependent “blackouts,” we gain a tremendous advantage in our personal recoveries. Hugging our demons keeps them from biting us. With experience comes the realization that we have the diseasenot that we are the disease. That's the difference between trudging the road of recovery and cruising along unaware that our bumper stickers read "I'd rather be dissociating."

aware of this than most people and women have an equal and important role to play in our organization. So, come along to St. John's and start the New Year with Dignity.

Apart from a social evening early in February, we also plan a winter picnic and prayer service on February 23. See this column in February's edition for details on both events. I am looking forward to meeting some of you in 1992 and to sharing my spiritual growth and development with all my family in Dignity.

In Christ's Love.

If you need further information, please call 651-1631 or 631-6580

GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 1991 Community Service Awards January 19, 1992 Snicker's 1261 W. 76th St.

Dinner at 6 P.M. Awards at 7:30

Reservations a must

Cask bar available

$25.00 in advance for dinner

and awards

$10.00 awards only at the door Reservations for dinner only due by January 10th

WE ARE HONORING

THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE

FOR SERVICE TO AND IN OUR COMMUNITY:

Douglas Braun

Man of the Year Summerfare

Patti Harris and Connie Takach

Women of the Year

5¢ Decision Visible Woman's Bar

~

Lesbian-Gay Community Service Center

Event of the Year

Talent Show

N.O.C.I.

Group of the Year A.I.D.S. Fundraising

Queer Nation

Mixed Group of the Year WMJI Zap!!

Sistah Party

Group of the Year Organizing Women of Color

The Rabinical and Cantorial Staff of Fairmount Temple Friend to the Community Service to Chevrei Tikva